Thursday, May 2, 2013

Evil Escalator

I’ve discovered there is one thing I really do not enjoy at the gym.  It is known as the Stairmaster, aka Evil. I know I am not in super great shape, but I believe nothing will ever get you panting and dripping sweat faster than the Stairmaster.

First, who came up with this infernal contraption in the first place?  They must have had a genius marketing team helping them sell their idea.  I imagine the conversation went something like this.

You know how people really love walking up flights of stairs.”

“No, in fact nobody I have ever known has ever said to me that they enjoy climbing stairs. Pretty sure that’s why they invented elevators."

“Well we have this great idea. It’s a machine that simulates a never ending flight of stairs. The stairs rotate continuously so the fun never has to stop. You can climb until you die.

If you’re a regular patron of the Stairmaster have you ever noticed how the machine can stop time?  One minute on a Stairmaster time feels like one hour of actual time. It also focuses on a lot of numbers!  How it is relaxing or exhilarating to count how many floors you've gone up and how many calories you’ve burned while you exercise? 

Some might enjoy seeing their progress as the machine reports “You Have Climbed 20 Stories.” The machine I have used tries to make climbing the stairs fun by giving you milestones such as “You’ve reached the top of the Taj Mahal” or “You’ve Climbed the Statue of Liberty.” I just think to myself, “No I haven’t. I am still at the gym, inside, sweating like a pig, and I haven’t actually gone anywhere.”

The Stairmaster will give you a good cardio workout and it will work your legs hard. Just remember to use responsibly. 

1 comment:

  1. "...the fun never has to stop. You can climb until you die." hahahahaha Thank you for this. Not only is it true, you really made me laugh.