~I ran out of things do to on the internet at 2 A.M
~My city's traffic lights flow so well that I can't finish a text message.
~It took too long to pirate Rosetta Stone and now I don't even feel like learning
~My downloaded show has no commercials. Now I can't decide when to get food.
~I'm going to be in the Bahamas next weekend, and will miss opening night of
The Dark Knight Rises.
Thousands of movies, all of them “meh.”
Someday, someone is going to show him a newspaper and BLOW HIS MIND.
And don’t even get me started on how ill-fitting my diamond studded loafers are.
I’m sorry, you have $4,000 pillows?
My comfort is ruining my appetite!
We’d like to be on speakerphone when you make that call to your lawyer.
Thinking of you during your Sunday night struggle…
I don’t know how those J-Crew models do it in the summer
There’s no way it can get worse than this.
If only there was some way to work out without paying someone to tell you what to do!
To be fair, it’s not like she’s asking for both.
A time traveler from the future has some problems with our bathrooms.
This has to be a joke, right?